3/6/25 Since posting last, a lot has changed in our lives. My older daughter broke up with her long-time boyfriend and moved on to someone new, my sister is in a serious relationship for two years or so now, my niece and nephew are no longer children, and my younger daughter has not only quit her second job (more than eight months now), but she’s stopped calling or texting me. In fact, both my daughters have ghosted me. Until a month or so ago, I thought everything was normal – they were happy, making plans, taking care of themselves, and then poof.

Also, and this is big – I retired about five months ago and am adjusting to the new normal of not stressing over a job. But that means no six-figure salary. That is the hardest adjustment of all. Is the no income thing the reason they don’t call me?

Since retiring, I’ve been to visit my girls in their city, but they didn’t really “roll out the red carpet” for me. In fact, I spent very little time with either of them and spent more with my sister’s childen instead. I basically babysat for them, even though half the time I was alone. As I said, they’re not children and their social lives trumped time with me.

I can’t tell anyone this – I have to make it seem like it’s so glorious to visit my family, that they welcomed me like I was the queen, and they fought over my time. No, the truth is, I was there for six days, and probably spent 4 of them alone driving from one area to another, and then watching Netflix and eating cottage cheese by myself. It’s embarrassing and heartbreaking.

Now that I have more time, I’m trying to find a community of friends who can be my family, but it’s hard when they inevitably start bragging about how their kids are around, how they’re successful, how they now have their own families – that are also around. I can’t say anything, but it makes me cry and want to walk away. I don’t fit into any category and I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. I couldn’t have said anything wrong to my kids because we don’t even talk. They don’t return my calls or texts, and they certainly don’t initiate their own.

Thankfully, I can fall into the warm embrace of my husband, who is my partner in life and who wants to be with me always. The rejection from my family illuminates my loving marriage. We chose each other, which is different from the ones who you happen to be related to. Both of us have family members, our kids included, who have hurt and disappointed us, and have chosen others to be in their lives. Are we unlikable or unlovable? I don’t get it and I’ve lost my energy to keep trying. Some days I say to myself, “Fuck ’em. Fuck ’em all.