Original publish date: March 31, 2011
My younger daughter has been so testy lately. She jumps at everything I say, and talks to me like I’m ridiculous. I feel like she’s 14 again, and it sucks. It starts out okay and I measure my words, but it’s not long before I hear, “Stop it” or “Do we have to talk about that now?” It’s quite unpleasant to be around her lately and I’m getting irritated.
It began to be noticeable when I took her with me to go house hunting with my realtor/friend. I told her to stay low-key for business purposes, but it wasn’t long before she was verbally belligerent, making it clear what she “hated” and where she wasn’t going to live. When I refused to look at a house that was across the street from a trailer park, she jumped all over me to tell me how rude and snobby I was. Right in front of my friend. I had to take her aside and tell her to stop, but she argued with me until I told her to shut up. That’s always been a “bad word” in my family, so she was aghast. She went the other direction and shut down on me and was sour for the rest of the day. I was embarrassed and angry, but kept my mouth shut and ignored her.
We’ve gone up and down with this all month. Some days she’s pleasantly affable, some days she’s too tired to argue and I don’t talk to her much, other times she is ready to launch a can of scorn on me. I try to be funny and let it roll, but inside I’m churning. Those put-upon feelings surface and I want her out of my face. One morning, she was so rude in the way she was speaking to me, I lost my temper and told her if she didn’t change her attitude, she could pack her things and leave. I’m sure I dropped a few choice words in the process. These ugly sentiments lingered in the air, and that’s how we started our day. She really believed I meant it, but it was my temper speaking, the one I try so hard to keep in check. I did apologize to her for saying the thing she fears the most, and she apologized to me. We made up, and it “took,” but she is still up and down with her attitude and emotions. If I bring up certain subjects, she cuts me off and questions my motives. I get a lot of retorts that begin with, “You always….”
In trying to analyze what’s going on—I know she took on a second job for extra money and starts her day at 4:45; she tries to please her friends; she tries to be a good daughter, granddaughter, and sister; she tries to be responsible for herself; and she has a lot on her mind and battles depression…but she is possibly taking on more than she can handle and she’s exhausted. I’ve been urging her to slow down and not worry about the second job, but she’s trying to prove something to herself. I have no say—if I try to give my opinion, it’s shot down like a deer in the woods.
I love this girl down to my bones, but she does NOT make my life easy.