7/5/2013 I visited with my darling daughter, who now lives with her boyfriend. She says she loves him and he’s good for her. (Read my last post to see why I beg to differ.)

Her appearance startled me, absolutely and utterly. She’s still gorgeous and interesting to look at, and has all the new decorations and artwork; however, the startling thing was her weight. She’s always been curvy and womanly–she’s probably considered sexy and va-va-voom. Now she’s skinny. Like 5’4″ 110 pounds skinny (down from probably 150). 

I try really hard to shut it, zip it, not interfere, but I had to ask. “Why are you so skinny? I mean, your hip bones are showing. What is going on?!”

Her response? She’s been “working out” and her boyfriend keeps her “on her toes.” Oh, yeah? Since when does she work out? Since when does she get off the couch? I was very nervous, even though her demeanor was normal and calm, her skin looked beautiful, and she was in a sweetly good mood. She was wearing sunglasses, claiming that she had a migraine, so I couldn’t see any red or puffy eyes. She’s good at telling stories, so I can only look at the signs right in my face.

I’m a little baffled. Here’s what I know:

• Dramatic weight loss
• Change in appearance for her new “look” (but takes good care of herself)
• Clear skin
• Lucid and articulate
• Happy and calm
• Filthy apartment (nothing new)
• Still has job
• Never asks for money
• Eats what I bring her
• More cavities than ever (something like 8)
• Texts me regularly
• Other than me, isolates from family
• Still smokes cigarettes and pot

What does it all mean? I can’t find anything. Is she using heroin or cocaine? Diet pills or ADD medicine? Is she anorexic or are they so broke they can’t afford food? I can’t get it out of her, so I’m lost.

Help me, please.

(I’m reading this years later in August of 2021, at the age of 57, and am mortified at my ignorance and denial. Everything was there in plain sight, and I was asking what it all meant. OMG. Was I really that oblivious and stupid? Or did I choose to put my head in the sand? I don’t understand that person, but it’s not who I am now.)