5/10/2011 I’ll cut right to the chase. I came home, smelled something funny in my house, and saw my daughter opening windows and lighting incense. I couldn’t believe it–my daughter had been smoking pot in my house. At first, I thought I was imagining things, but when I saw the leaves in the toilet and a butt on the bathroom sink, it was too late.

I was beyond…words.

She tried to lie, but it was a futile. I caught her. She was busted.

I told her I was ashamed of her, that I didn’t respect her, and that it was inconceivable to me that she would break the law right in my house. MY HOUSE. The house I have worked so hard to provide for her, the home I have made for her.

She begged me to accept her apology and tried to make a million excuses–that she had a bad day, that she throught this would help relax her, that…it didn’t matter. They’re just cop-outs to me. She’s on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. Now, she’s going to add illegal drugs to the mix? Who doesn’t have bad days–does that mean we should go out and break the law to make ourselves feel better?

I made dinner and we got through the evening. I wouldn’t let her go out because no way was she going to drive under the influence. I also had her go to her car and throw away anything that might be suspect. Remember, she has a history of being stopped and having pot paraphernalia on her. In fact, we have a court appearance scheduled for later this month from one of those incidents.

I had very little to say to her the rest of the evening. This morning, she woke up too late, and again didn’t make any effort to show she’s a changed person. Left her room a mess, shit all over the floor.

I did get a text message from her:  “mom, im sorry. i hope you believe me. i am ashamed that i chose to sink to the level i used to be on. i cant tell u how much im beating myself up for it. I made you lose your respect for me and i worked so hard to gain that back. I really apologize for my actions. i understand how mad u r. its my fault for smoking. I had a moment of weakness. I regularly take my medication but its just i had a horrible day and i was crushed with emotions. Talking was not on my mind. I started going into my depressed thoughts and screwed up. I smoked a plant and im sorry. I didnt mix drugs cuz i’m not a retard but i do admit i made a mistake. Im not asking for forgiveness but i want u to understand i was extremely used to dealing with my problems that way. I’m not u i have addiction tendencys. To cigs and weed. Im trying my hardest to not depend on it. I did an amazing job for myself and i slipped up one time. i hate myself for it but i cant take it back. You can hate me, play the silent game, whatever, i understand. And i did want you to find it, do u think i wanted to get awas with doing something like that, no.” [sic]

What the hell do I do now? I’m still feeling emotional–offended, angry, frustrated, disappointed, even guilty…you name it.