Original publish date: April 6, 2011
Venting time. This has been a frustrating week with my daughter. She hasn’t been “bad” and hasn’t gotten into trouble, so that’s not it. It’s the day-to-day annoyances that are getting to me. I have to ask her repeatedly to do something, which she pleasantly promises she will do, then she completely blows it off.
Here’s a big one—she in advertently locked her cats out of the garage where the litter box is kept, which ended in disaster for me and gave me an “interesting” start to my day. I woke up to a repulsive smell, only to find two piles of raw, wet, slithering cat feces—one in this daughter’s bathroom shower and one on the carpet in the downstairs bedroom. I had to take time out of my morning that I needed for getting ready for work to clean up this…stuff. It was disgusting and I was SOOO angry. I was sure she left it for me.
After the cursory clean up that I had time to do, I texted my daughter at work and told her what I was dealing with and that as soon as she got home, she needed to clean the carpet and shower floor thoroughly, and if it happened again, those cats were not welcome in my new home. It was harsh but I was pissed off. There is a lot of stress in my life at the moment that I’m handling, so having a morning like this is like an omen—and doesn’t do much for my mood.
She texted me to apologize and promised to do the cleaning as soon as she got home, which would be at 11:00 in the morning. I must say, it was a clear omen. I had a terrible day and was in a sour mood for most of it. Sometimes I’m grateful for having a job where I can keep to myself if needed. Well……..I got home at 5:45 p.m., noticed her car was in the driveway, and figured my house would smell clean and we’d have a pleasant evening together. Well, once inside the door I got a whiff of cat excrement, only to find that not only had she NOT done what she promised, but she was sleeping.
So for almost 6 hours, she couldn’t find the time to take care of it. They’re HER pets, HER responsibility—which she promised to uphold. I woke her up and her excuse for not cleaning up was that she was napping. Oh, no, she di’int! The stressed out single mother in me of course said, “Well, I didn’t have a nap. I got up, cleaned up shit, commuted to work, spent eight hours at my desk, and commuted home.” So, groggily, she got up and cleaned up—and gave me 10 or 12 dirty looks. I was unaffected by them.
It makes me not want to do anything for her, which is totally against my nurturing nature. This is a big example, but there are plenty of little ones. “I promise I’ll take out the garbage…I promise to pick up milk on the way home…I promise to put my laundry away…I promise to clear my stuff off the counter…I promise to call my Nana…” You name it, I have to remind and remind and nag and annoy, but nothing works. The nice approach doesn’t work, the funny approach doesn’t work—and neither do rewards, guilt, threats, scoldings…I know she’s not being malicious, but I don’t know if she’s forgetful, lazy, or hearing impaired!