1/22/2011 The mother with the troubled daughter is aware that her daughter is manipulative and knows when to turn on the charm. The attitude is sweet and sugary when she wants something or is about to knowingly do something wrong. The sweetness thwarts suspicion and stops this mom like kryptonite. This mother also faces an ugly, black attitude when the daughter doesn’t like what she hears. The attitude comes with razor-sharp words, condescension, and flippant disrespect that pushes every button in the mother’s consciousness. The things that are said go against everything she stands for and has tried to instill in her children. It puts her at the intersection of anger, despair, pain, and disbelief.

The other mother tells her friends that her daughter and she get along like she’s always dreamed they could. Of course, once in a while, that daughter is a little sarcastic, but “Mama Bear” can laugh it off because it’s so rare. Her daughter takes “no” rather well, realizing that mother knows best. That kid is such a sweetie and she’s a lucky mom.

The mother with the troubled daughter is unnerved by how poorly the girl treats her belongings. Her room is constantly a mess, with trash on the floor, an unmade bed, clothes strewn all over, and a general air of chaos. The same goes for the girl’s car—it’s a newer model car and was in perfect condition when she bought it. In just a few short months, the back window was smashed in, the windshield is cracked, one tire popped, and there are stains on all the seats; there’s trash on the floor, the seats, the trunk, and the console; the entire car smells like cigarette and pot smoke; there’s a gash on the door and a dent on the side—the car looks like it’s 20 years old.This mom cringes when she she’s the disaster that surrounds her daughter, and no amount of nagging, suggesting, or doing it for her makes a difference. It feels hopeless. The worst part is that it probably represents what goes on in her daughter’s mind.

The other mother says her daughter has a cute, bright red car that suits her bright personality. As a present (and to keep the car pristine), this mother bought her daughter fun zebra-striped car seat covers, a zebra-striped steering wheel cover, and a zebra-striped license plate frame. They both love how cute it makes the car—really makes that red “pop.” She brags that her daughter is so proud of her car—and mom is proud that her daughter pays for the car and insurance all by herself. That girl has really learned the value of a dollar by having to fund this car herself!

I’m two moms, and it’s exhausting. I’m aging before everyone’s eyes and can’t explain to anyone why. No matter what I try—eating well, exercising, being more social—I’m still so stressed out that I have chronic headaches, stomachaches, and backaches. My hair is graying, my skin is dry, and I DO NOT SLEEP. I’m reluctant to bring a man into my life because I’m (a) embarrassed about my daughter and (b) afraid to bring someone into this chaos. Because of my daughter, I’m flat broke, depressed half the time (despite medication), and desperately lonely.

Of course, the other mother puts a smile on her face and says, “This is my year!”