Original publish date: January 21, 2011
I have a split personality, minus the mental illness (though some days I’m not so sure about that). I am two mothers in one body—one mother whose daughter is more of a challenge than she should have to handle, and another mother who hides this reality from the world.
The mother with the troubled daughter worries to the point of having ulcers, muscle aches, heart aches, hours of weeping, and bouts of anxiety. She lies awake at night wondering what she did wrong—evaluating everything from the genetic pool within her child, the environment in which she was raised, the experiences she’s been exposed to—to the friends she’s chosen and the city they live in.
The other mother tells her friends and social contacts that her daughter is doing great! That girl has come so far that she makes her weep for joy just thinking about her. This mother answers the “How’s your daughter doing?” questions with, “I’m so proud of her for her accomplishments. Everyone should have a daughter like mine.”
The mother with the troubled daughter had picked her daughter up from the police a half dozen times because of curfew violations, accidents, shoplifting, being in possession of paraphernalia, and allowing an unlicensed teenager to drive her car. This mother has paid fines, driven her daughter to court, and given lectures on breaking the law and making good choices. This mother has also found out that her daughter has been sexually active for a long time, with the number of partners ranging from at least five, but more likely around 15.
The other mother tells her friends and social contacts that her daughter is a typical teenager, who has a messy room and is sometimes a little lazy, and if that’s the worst a kid could do, give me my kid every time. This mother goes to brunch with her daughter every Sunday, and takes her on little shopping sprees because it’s their “bonding” time. Her daughter knows that having sex can lead to pregnancy, which she’s seen among people all around her, and has decided she doesn’t want to take that risk. Yep, her daughter is abstinent, doesn’t touch pot, and would never break the law.