June 18, 2025
My older daughter, on the other hand, had warmed up a little, and we had some nice conversations, all with me initiating contact. But here’s the turn of events with her:
I’m in my summer home now, where I’m trying to relax and enjoy myself. A lot of our time revolves around watching over my MIL, and it’s sometimes exhausting. So far, though, it’s been mostly positive. I’m retired now, so I have more time to breathe, work out, and just be. A few weeks ago, my older daughter said she might come down here in July to visit and then go back to our hometown and stay in my house. I took that to mean she’d come and spend time with me, so that’s what I had in my head. I’d get a break from the everyday stuff and have special time with her.
Well, she called on a Saturday morning, out of the blue, just to say hello. That’s basically never happened before, so I should’ve been suspicious. We chatted a little and that was that. A few hours later, she sent an audacious text telling me she wanted to come to my vacation home for one day, the 4th of July, and then leave the next morning for my house. Already stupid—you can’t access this place on the 4th. It’s the biggest event of the year here—the roads are closed and the streets are packed with people. But the kicker was she was bringing her boyfriend, whom I’ve never met, and his dog. She said they’d stay in their van and pay for their own dinner.
I was taken aback and couldn’t even answer for a while. I was already manipulated by that phone call, but the request was so disappointing. I finally told her we’d need to make an alternate plan and that I thought it was going to be different (the two of use having mother-daughter time), though I appreciated her trying to be unintrusive. She didn’t like my response and said some really mean things in her next text, while trying to sell me on her boyfriend and his dog. I have no problem with them, but she was using them as a weapon. He’s innocent; he’s just following her lead. I responded in a well-thought-out message that I don’t have to feel guilty for not agreeing to things that don’t serve me or make me feel uncomfortable.
I’m also done with feeling like my family doesn’t want me around:
My sister invites me to be there when she’s on vacation, my younger daughter ignores me or is in a bad mood when I visit, and now my older daughter wants to come visit on the wrong day and then go to my house when I’m not there.
My sister had called me to “say hi” but it’s really to see if I’ll come in July and stay at her house with my nephew while she’s on vacation. I did that a while ago, and I ended up mostly alone in her house. However, this request came on the heels of me mentioning that I might come for another visit this summer. It was a win-win in her mind.
At this point, I’m not sure I’m EVER going to visit there again. There’s no point.
Both my daughters have now ghosted me. I guess this is official estrangement? I certainly never thought that just saying no to something would come to this.