9/6/2017 Yesterday was a letter day; today is a journal day. I’m feeling so many feelings over my formerly troubled teen—and now confounding adult—daughter. I need to express those feelings or I’ll cry and one of my coworkers will ask me what’s wrong and I’ll be embarrassed and my makeup will run and I’ll want to go home and I’ll get none of my work done and I’ll lose my job and I won’t be able to shop at Ross…
9/5/2017 I’m ready to write a Dear John letter to both my children. I’m just so frustrated and over these incessant complaints. They’re 23 and 25 and acting like spoiled children. After all THEY put ME through! They want to be happy, they have dreams, they shouldn’t have to work like this, they shouldn’t have to do what they’re doing just to pay the bills . . . Man, shut the eff up. I’m 54, and have worked since I…
8/14/2017 I wanted to update my saga with my precious daughter. I thank my lucky stars (I don’t believe in God, so let’s get that straight right now) and whatever other energy is out there, that my daughter is alive and very well. She’s had the same full-time job for more than a year, where they love her and have promoted her three times already. She get excellent job reviews and customer reviews, and is learning a lot about what…
5/10/2016 I’m taking a break from my daughter for a while. I don’t know how long that while will be, but I just about can’t handle her anymore. I can’t really tell anyone because they just won’t understand and will probably judge me as a failure as a mother, so I’m limited to this blog. I’m feeling grateful that I had the forethought to do this when my disappointments and despair first began. As I may have mentioned, she’s planning…
5/5/16 My darling daughter is now in Portland, Oregon, scoping out the place because she wants to move there. I took both my daughters there for my birthday, thinking they’d get a kick out of it. Turns out, she LOVED it and has been setting her sights on it ever since. I’m pleased that she’s made this her goal, and even more pleased that she had the forethought to do some recognizance. It whipped into gear her organizational skills. She…
3/9/2016 I don’t really meddle, but I don’t quit either. My daughter has been evasive with me and, I admit, I freak out a little. I assume she’s either high or in jail, given her history, even though I should probably give her the benefit of the doubt. She hasn’t been involved in either of those very bad things for the last two years. (I heart probation.) Anyway, I texted her a response at 5 a.m. to an “announcement” she…
3/8/2016 Here’s a big deal, a really big deal. My mother died last March after suffering mercilessly from lung cancer. It was eight months of sickness and pain, as she tried and tried to beat it, be strong, and not think like a patient. But cancer is an asshole, and doesn’t care that it blindsides victims that don’t deserve the torture. She was the love of our lives, the light in our eyes, and we can’t have her anymore. My…
3/8/2016 So yesterday, I wrote an update on my daughter to remind myself of how far she’s come. And it’s true, she has, and I’m very proud of her in general. But today, I’m really frustrated with her for being so evasive–for days. She communicates a little—in snippets—and leaves me hanging. I don’t get it. She just had an MRI (if she showed up to her appointment) and promised to keep me informed. I got next to nothing even though…
8/20/2013 I think I’m a grandmother. Before the age of 50, I’m a grandmother. I’ve taught my girls all their lives to wait until they’re in their thirties to get married, have kids, settle down. I’ve encouraged them to see the world, have experiences, live in different places, have different jobs, fall in and out of love many times before they can even begin to know who they are, what they want, and who they want to grow old with….
8/7/2013 My older daughter is back from an exciting and adventurous trip to South America and happier than I’ve ever seen her. She’s matured in magnificent ways and has such interesting stories to tell. I wish I had been keeping a blog about her all these years. I wish she’d keep a blog of her own. Because of her joy, I was surprised that she would want to deal with her sister so quickly. In fact, she’s only been home…