12/15/2011 It’s the countdown to having a real empty nest. Not one of those false alarms from age 16, then age 17. This is a well thought-out version of my daughter moving out. Even though I don’t agree with some of her plans, she has solid plans this time and she’s actually being very mature about the situation. I have to give her credit and lots of respect for this. I also must give her due credit for being aware of money,…
12/9/2011 Underneath it all, I have a tremendous amount of guilt. I have bouts where I feel so damn guilty about who and what my daughter has become, even though logically I know that much of what’s happened is inherent in her, and is her doing. I see how successful my other child is and, knowing that I parented them equally—with equal values, equal love, and equal experiences—their perspectives, personalities, and personas are vastly different. That said, my guilt these…
12/9/2011 As this year comes to a close, and Christmas, Hanukkah, and New Year’s are right at my feet, I realize that the experiences I’ve had cannot be exactly be categorized. There have been some tremendously rewarding moments—like buying my house—and some tragically frightening moments—like picking up my stoned daughter from a shitty park in the middle of the night. If I were the type to write one of those boring Christmas letters that I get from well meaning acquaintances each…
10/21/2011 Brain scans show risk is more fun when friends watch. Published on October 16, 2011 by Nancy Darling, Ph.D. I love Car Talk, NPR’s car centered talk show starring Tom and Ray Maggliozi. The Car Guys claim that many of the dumbest things ever done are preceded by the immortal words Hey guys! Watch this! I think they call them “famous last words.” They must know a lot about teenagers. Adolescents and Risk Adolescents are known for taking risks. Although generally healthy, they spend…
Credit: Nancy Darling, PhD, (2011), http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/thinking-about-kids/201110/teens-respond-pleasure-not-pain-parent-accordingly 10/21/2011 It’s not often that I read a scientific paper and immediately change how I parent my child. But I did last week. I was reading a series of pieces by developmental psychologist, Laurence Steinberg, first recipient of the Klaus Jacobs award for “groundbreaking contributions to the improvement of the living conditions of young people.” Steinberg has spent his career studying adolescents. His early work focused on the family—how teens renegotiate family relations during the pubertal transition (kids…
10/21/2011 I agonized a bit over how to broach the subject of the tattoo with “troubled teen.” At first I was angry and wanted to lecture and yell like the old me. Then, after a day went by (we sometimes go two or three days without crossing paths, so this was normal), I was calmer. I talked to my boyfriend who’s had his share of experiences in this regard, and he shed some light on the subject. Our discussion, if…
10/17/2011 I truly don’t know what to do about this current situation. If you refer back to my post about the lies my daughter has told me thus far, I wrote that post while in a tongue-in-cheek mood, as if I was only “looking back” on bad times and that they were over. Well, I just bit my tongue and it hurts. There was a big juicy lie on that list—the one that says she doesn’t have a tattoo; after all, she said,…
8/24/2011 I admit it, I’ve been duped a thousand times by my daughter, and despite knowing it, I continue to fall for her lies. I think it’s wishful thinking that “this time,” she is finally being straightforward and I have nothing to worry about. I catch her in lies all the time, but 50% of the time I can’t really prove anything and 50% of the time I punish her in some way but it doesn’t change her behavior. She’s either…
7/14/2011 Written by Ronit Baras (2008) Last week, I wrote about the things that parents say that turn off communication between them and their teens. Today, I would like to talk about the buttons teens push to set their parents off and “make” them lose their minds. From their early years, kids have an inherent sense of their parents’ weaknesses. They learn it by themselves – they do not need to go to school to study what works and what does…
7/11/2011 Do parents who pry know more about their teen’s lives? Published on April 11, 2011 by Nancy Darling, Ph.D. in Thinking About Kids I knew my youngest was entering adolescence, when my daily mucking out of his backpack was met with a yell. “Get out! That’s MINE!” One of the hallmarks of adolescence is that teens demand—and parents grant them—more privacy. Children have few expectations for privacy from parents. Adolescents expect more. Late adolescents and adults expect a great deal of control over what information…