12/10/2021 I’ve been reading through my posts from over the years, and I see some disturbing patterns both in myself and my daughter. No matter how old she is, and she’s two days away from 28 years old, she has a fully orchestrated routine. In the last year and a half, she’s definitely matured, so I give her that. Her good periods last much longer, and her reasoning skills are much better. Where she just can’t get it together is…
2/6/2019 Today is Wednesday and if it weren’t for being busy at work with so many nice people, I’d probably be crying in the corner somewhere. It’s hard to concentrate or give a shit about my work, but I’m 55 and have learned to fake it like a pro. I’m a great phony smiler and laugher, and I’m experienced at passing people in the hall with a hearty, “Hey, how ya doin’?” But inside, I’m destroyed. I’m trying to be…
12/4/2017 It’s too bad that my daughter is having such a tough time finding a good job. She had a pretty good thing here, even if it wasn’t that high paying. We thought for sure her skills would translate into something equally good, but it’s been two months and she’s only been offered a warehouse job at just slightly above minimum wage. She’s very disappointed, but hasn’t given up. Maybe it’s because it’s the holiday season and hiring managers are…
9/11/2017 I’ve said recently that I wish my daughter would just move away so I could breathe. She’s been talking about moving out of state for a very long time, but she decided to just do it. Not think too much, just go. Like within the month. She’s plotting and planning, updating her resume and applying for jobs, researching neighborhoods and applying for rentals, and planning when she’s going to give her notice at work. All of a sudden I’m…
9/8/2017 Have to write something or I’ll burst. It’s just amazing how things change from day to day. Yesterday I had a jumble of emotions and could hardly keep them in check. Thank heaven I had colonics yesterday, or it all would’ve been backed up to my ribcage. Speaking of colonics, I do have a problem with my system (stress, medication, age, genetics, stress, stress, anxiety, stress) so every once in a while I get cleaned out. I skipped a…
9/6/2017 Yesterday was a letter day; today is a journal day. I’m feeling so many feelings over my formerly troubled teen—and now confounding adult—daughter. I need to express those feelings or I’ll cry and one of my coworkers will ask me what’s wrong and I’ll be embarrassed and my makeup will run and I’ll want to go home and I’ll get none of my work done and I’ll lose my job and I won’t be able to shop at Ross…
5/10/2016 I’m taking a break from my daughter for a while. I don’t know how long that while will be, but I just about can’t handle her anymore. I can’t really tell anyone because they just won’t understand and will probably judge me as a failure as a mother, so I’m limited to this blog. I’m feeling grateful that I had the forethought to do this when my disappointments and despair first began. As I may have mentioned, she’s planning…
3/8/2016 So yesterday, I wrote an update on my daughter to remind myself of how far she’s come. And it’s true, she has, and I’m very proud of her in general. But today, I’m really frustrated with her for being so evasive–for days. She communicates a little—in snippets—and leaves me hanging. I don’t get it. She just had an MRI (if she showed up to her appointment) and promised to keep me informed. I got next to nothing even though…
8/1/2013 Both daughters have been asked to be bridesmaids in their cousin’s wedding (dad’s side), which is a lovely honor. Their dad is responsible for getting them to another state for the nuptials—flight, hotel, and all that stuff. He hasn’t been a problem for me and we are amicable with each other, so I don’t mind when he texts me to get information about their e-mail addresses or phone numbers or dates they’re available or whatnot. I know they don’t always…
12/21/2012 I wasn’t too thrilled when my daughter told me she was moving out again, but she made all the arrangements and really seemed to be ready to go. She has a hard time living with me and maintaining all her secrets, I guess. She’s been out of the house for a couple of weeks, but most of her clothes and toiletries are still in my house. Not a great segue, but yesterday at work I happened to be scrolling…