7/25/2013 I have not seen my daughter since that last time when I realized how skinny she was. I seldom hear from her, and if I call, I don’t get a call back. I don’t know what’s going on with her, and I don’t get answers to my questions (you can’t if they don’t talk to you). She has sent nice text messages telling me how much she loves me and will make up all this lost time. She’ll even…
12/21/2012 I wasn’t too thrilled when my daughter told me she was moving out again, but she made all the arrangements and really seemed to be ready to go. She has a hard time living with me and maintaining all her secrets, I guess. She’s been out of the house for a couple of weeks, but most of her clothes and toiletries are still in my house. Not a great segue, but yesterday at work I happened to be scrolling…
11/27/2012 My formerly troubled daughter is moving out again. This time, she’s not in trouble, she’s not moving in with a boyfriend, and she’s not angry. She’s simply ready to move out and be out from under my iron fist. Ha. Iron fist. Since she moved home in the summer, I’ve barely seen her and she chooses not to make time for me. Sure, we’ve had a lunch or two, but she seldom comes home before four in the morning….
1/9/2012 I’ve discovered the number-one reason to accept your empty nest status—it is the single best way to improve your relationships with your children, especially the troublesome ones. Suddenly, you see all your hard work, nurturing, guiding, and good sense flowing from your offspring. It’s sort of like when they were little—you’d send them to a friend’s house and the parents would tell you what great manners your child had, something you didn’t see so much at home! No longer…
12/16/2011 So what the hell is wrong with me? Today is my daughter’s official move out day and, despite all my cheering that I couldn’t wait for this to finally happen, I actually feel like crying. I love her soooooo much and already miss her and am worried sick about her being on her own. Despite knowing logically that she’s smart and savvy, and can handle the responsibility, it’s the same as admitting that she doesn’t need me anymore. She’s…
12/15/2011 It’s the countdown to having a real empty nest. Not one of those false alarms from age 16, then age 17. This is a well thought-out version of my daughter moving out. Even though I don’t agree with some of her plans, she has solid plans this time and she’s actually being very mature about the situation. I have to give her credit and lots of respect for this. I also must give her due credit for being aware of money,…
12/2/2011 Sadly, life with my troubled teen has been dismal and miserable for the past few weeks. I’m a bundle of nerves, stressed to the point of physical illness, and spend my days grinding my teeth and feeling like I’m suffocating. I can’t say or do anything right; even my most innocuous comments, like “Have a good day,” are met with disdain and disgust. It’s like she turned on me all of a sudden. I’ve been trying to reflect on…
11/23/2011 So troubled daughter has a new boyfriend—and she’s really smitten with him. She’s physically, emotionally, and mentally attracted to him and what he represents. They’re moving fast and have even changed their Facebook statuses (I guess that’s a huge deal for young people). It would normally be just fine, young love, an “awwww” moment, but they’re moving really fast. She’s been on cloud nine and tells me how special he makes her feel and how he goes out of…
Credit: Nancy Darling, PhD, (2011), http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/thinking-about-kids/201110/teens-respond-pleasure-not-pain-parent-accordingly 10/21/2011 It’s not often that I read a scientific paper and immediately change how I parent my child. But I did last week. I was reading a series of pieces by developmental psychologist, Laurence Steinberg, first recipient of the Klaus Jacobs award for “groundbreaking contributions to the improvement of the living conditions of young people.” Steinberg has spent his career studying adolescents. His early work focused on the family—how teens renegotiate family relations during the pubertal transition (kids…
10/21/2011 I agonized a bit over how to broach the subject of the tattoo with “troubled teen.” At first I was angry and wanted to lecture and yell like the old me. Then, after a day went by (we sometimes go two or three days without crossing paths, so this was normal), I was calmer. I talked to my boyfriend who’s had his share of experiences in this regard, and he shed some light on the subject. Our discussion, if…