1/19/2011 My dear daughter has been back at home for about a week now and it’s actually been a little difficult for me. Not that I don’t love having her around or know in my heart it’s where she belongs, it’s that she brings a storm with her. She’s not depressed anymore, so I’m not talking about a black cloud that surrounds her, I mean life just doesn’t seem orderly. She keeps odd hours, her room is a mess, her…
1/13/2011 Here’s an update I didn’t think I’d be making any time soon. My “troubled teen,” whom I thought had made it in the big world is BACK HOME. I definitely have many mixed feelings about it. I was beginning to get used to the peace and cleanliness in my house (not the quiet). It was effortless to be home—for over a month it was orderly, organized, clean, and good-smelling. There were no children, no big dirty shoes, no litter…
1/11/2011 My independent daughter is trying really hard to take care of herself and handle all the responsibilities of living on her own, paying her bills, tending to her three cats…but she’s asked me many times for “a few bucks.” I had to pay her rent this month because her hours were reduced at work and she simply didn’t have enough. When I asked her how much she needed, it was the entire amount. She’s seeing how expensive life and…
1/3/2011 The young always have the same problem – how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another. ~Quentin Crisp Little children, headache; big children, heartache. ~Italian Proverb Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other. ~Laurence J. Peter Don’t laugh at a youth for his affectations; he is only trying on one face after another to find a face of his…
1/3/2011 One thing that has strengthened the relationship between my formerly troubled daughter and me is a regular Sunday brunch together. No matter what, we clear time on our calendars to spend time together. It doesn’t matter if we’re super tired, have a cold, have PMS, or anything else, we make it happen. I’m very proud to say that my daughter initiated this practice, and it has been going strong for several months. She adamantly tells her friends and roommates…
12/29/2010 Now that my girls are out of the house, I worry just as much as ever, but now I have new things to freak out about because I’m not with them every day. I’ve always worried about their personal safety, but now it’s pathological. Whom do they associate with? Do they walk by themselves in the dark? Should I buy them pepper spray? Do they have a stalker? Should I buy them a taser? Should I make them come home?…
12/29/2010 A few words about “empty nest syndrome.” Both my girls have now moved out and it’s definitely bittersweet. According to the myriad of articles on the Internet like these http://www.life123.com/relationships/marriage/empty-nest/index.shtml, this is the time of my life when I’m supposed to get in touch with my special interests, hobbies, and totally begin a new chapter. But when you’ve been a single parent for nearly 20 years, this just isn’t going to happen overnight. My younger daughter moved out 17 days…
12/26/2010 I did have one incident in the past month with my younger daughter since the shoplifting thing, but thankfully, it really wasn’t her doing. Her friend was driving on the freeway at a high speed and was stopped and investigated. My daughter and two teenage boys were in the car and everyone got checked out. The driver was found to have been drinking, speeding, and had several pot pipes in the car. She ultimately had her car impounded. The…
11/23/2010 This is from an email my brother forwarded to me in 2006. I don’t know who the author is, but it’s been quoted a million times, and I like it. Is there a magic cutoff period when offspring become accountable for their own actions? Is there a wonderful moment when parents can become detached spectators in the lives of their children and shrug, “It’s their life,” and feel nothing? When I was in my twenties, I stood in a…
11/23/2010 Trust me, there were plenty of times I considered “getting rid” of my daughter and the strife she was causing by sending her away to some faraway boot camp for troubled teens. In my fantasies and from cursory glances at Internet sites, these places seemed like the answer. Even thought financially they were way out of my reach, I’d find a way to pay for it. They’d find out exactly what the problem was, fix her, do magical things…