2/6/2019 Today is Wednesday and if it weren’t for being busy at work with so many nice people, I’d probably be crying in the corner somewhere. It’s hard to concentrate or give a shit about my work, but I’m 55 and have learned to fake it like a pro. I’m a great phony smiler and laugher, and I’m experienced at passing people in the hall with a hearty, “Hey, how ya doin’?” But inside, I’m destroyed. I’m trying to be…
2/4/2019 She will just not let me rest in peace. Today is Monday, and I’m back at work after a very roller-coastery weekend. My husband and I had a lot of good times—went to a play, hiked a bunch, and even socialized with friends. However, my daughter started with some rather startling texts on Saturday morning, and I was sick with migraines for the rest of the weekend. I had to medicate to deal with the symptoms, and even slept…
1/30/2019 Because my relationship with my daughter is pretty much nonexistent, I truly don’t know if she is fighting an addiction. She’s done a lot of drugs in her life, but she’s never been diagnosed with an addiction or been to rehab. As far as I know, she chooses this lifestyle; it doesn’t choose her. There are no addicts (that I know of) in my family, and I barely know anything about her father’s family. She’s managed to work, drive,…
1/30/2019 I really want to start writing uplifting posts about my daughter, but the opportunity just hasn’t arisen. I talked to my daughter today, but my heart is even more barren than before. I’ve been calling my daughter at the weekly time, with the assumption that she probably won’t answer, but this week was a bit different. On Monday, I texted to tell her I couldn’t call at the regular time on Tuesday because I was having a colonoscopy and…
9/18/2018 So one day I got a text message from my daughter that she would “answer all my questions,” but used some cryptic wording that got under my skin. I have a lot of questions for and about her on a regular basis, but in the interest in keeping a relationship, however thin, I hold back. Because one of the words she used was “rough,” I got nervous and couldn’t take it, so I called her. And she answered! She…
8/30/2018 There’s always something in my life that feels like a setback. My husband’s father has cancer, his son is getting a divorce and is miserable, his business isn’t doing well, I’ve had migraine attacks like I’m on the front lines in the Civil War, my older daughter has to move out of the apartment she and her boyfriend live in within 30 days (no choice; it’s being sold) . . . the list goes on and on. Top that…
I made like a detective and figured out exactly where my daughter works! A couple of months ago, she loved her outfit, so she sent me a picture of herself in the restroom at her place of business. She was wearing her work T-shirt and badge as well. The T-shirt was in reverse because it was a selfie, but I could see the first and last letters; her badge was blurry, but I could make out the “sense” of the…
I guess my daughter is in the right place. She doesn’t live in her hometown anymore; in fact, she’s a good 1,300 miles away in a very different type of city. She was ungracious to her sister during their visit (from the big sister’s perspective), but she seems to be thriving pretty well without us! That’s ok, I didn’t see her much when she lived here and we all get on each other’s nerves after a short amount of time. …
5/23/2018 I have to use fake names here so it doesn’t sound like I’m telling a story to 2nd graders. Big sister Mary recently visited little sister Alice for a few days in her new city. I was aware it was happening, naturally from Mary. I was so nervous because I don’t want Mary to be hurt or disappointed, which has happened over and over again when she’s tried to reach out and have a “normal” sister relationship. I warned…
5/23/2018 My daughter has been in her new city for about seven months now, and she’s finally thriving. Not doing well financially—I admittedly help her pay her rent—but she has a job, a couple of friends, and doesn’t complain at all.Before I go on, I need to defend myself for helping her with rent. If I don’t, she might: End up homeless Live in her car Give up on life Move home Choice d is the worst one for me…