Sunday, November 21, 2010 No sleep came for me, and I was up early, feeling sick and dizzy. My thoughts are all over the place at the moment. Everything from, “How/where/when did I screw up this motherhood thing, God?” to “What a loser my daughter is, Goddamnit!” We have breakfast every Sunday together, have been for a while, and I wasn’t going to let her out of it today. The ride was a nightmare. Maybe I could’ve said things differently,…
Saturday night, 11/20/10 How ironic, I was posting the old articles I wrote back in the day when I was first contemplating writing a blog, thinking, “Wow, my daughter and I have come such a long way!” She’d doing great and we’ve been getting along like I’ve always dreamed we could. I signed out of the dashboard, and within ten minutes there was a call from the police. Long story short, I had to go to Wal-Mart, where they had…
8/28/2009 I just came out with it. I outlined everything I found and what I know about what it all meant. I told her I knew that she had told me dozens of lies over the past year, that it was not acceptable, that I would press charges if I caught her involved in any further illegal activities. I explained that stealing checks and prescription pads was illegal and I wouldn’t hesitate to turn her in if I found out…
8/15/2009 Me, being a knowledge addict, went directly online and tried to learn about Ecstasy and what glow sticks and pacifiers had to do with anything. I found some sites that not only cleared all that up, but scared the hell out of me. She was in danger – the whole scene revolves around heightened sensations and loss of inhibitions. That’s beyond dangerous for a fifteen-year-old who already thinks she’s invincible. I researched for the entire two weeks she was…
8/1/2009 Over time, her attitude became really surly with me and she slept sometimes for 15 straight hours, only waking up when I made her. She had no energy and lost weight. I chalked it up to growing and just being a teenager. I had no suspicions and no one told me anything. It took her leaving on a community service caravan to get to the bottom of things. I searched her room and found a cache of disturbing items:…
8/1/2009 New Life, New Problems, Many Revelations It had been several years since the three of us had lived together without my boyfriend and his children. My older daughter and I had a lot of adjusting to do. The “troubled” daughter was happy as a clam. She was out of there, away from the one man she despised most in this world. It turns out she truly hated him and never had any intention of trying to get along. In…
7/24/2009 One morning, my boyfriend of nine years began yelling at my daughter, and I, who had been told to stay out of all matters between them, couldn’t stand it anymore. I insisted that he stop that instant or we were through. He wouldn’t, didn’t think he had to, and actually thought that he had the right. It was my boiling point. It was too much and I didn’t want my daughter to suffer anymore. I made a decision on…
7/23/2009 I caved and allowed her to come home, asking to please have her father call me before making any final decisions or arrangements. Not only did he never call me, but he booked her on a flight home for the next day. The guy who has never paid a dime in child support suddenly has money for a next-day fare. He couldn’t boot her fast enough, apparently. My heart broke for her right then and there. My mother and…
7/21/2009 At best, she had a marginal relationship with her father at the time. Unbeknownst to me, she had been plotting this for some time, even picking fights with me so I would be desperate to send her there. Nevertheless, I allowed it and off she went in March of 2007, in the last quarter of seventh grade. It was one of the most heartbreaking days of my entire life, worse than any funeral I’ve been to. Because it was…
July 20, 2009 Back Story: Tough Decisions This is about my daughter mostly, but also about the struggles of being her mother and making tough decisions. My now fifteen-year-old-daughter has always been one to challenge me – my authority, my intelligence, my patience, my temper. She was born strong-willed. Born with her umbilical cord wrapped around her neck and totally blue, she fought through it without missing a beat. She was always tough, and intimidated the boys in elementary school…