1/11/2011 My independent daughter is trying really hard to take care of herself and handle all the responsibilities of living on her own, paying her bills, tending to her three cats…but she’s asked me many times for “a few bucks.” I had to pay her rent this month because her hours were reduced at work and she simply didn’t have enough. When I asked her how much she needed, it was the entire amount. She’s seeing how expensive life and…
1/3/2011 The young always have the same problem – how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another. ~Quentin Crisp Little children, headache; big children, heartache. ~Italian Proverb Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other. ~Laurence J. Peter Don’t laugh at a youth for his affectations; he is only trying on one face after another to find a face of his…
1/3/2011 One thing that has strengthened the relationship between my formerly troubled daughter and me is a regular Sunday brunch together. No matter what, we clear time on our calendars to spend time together. It doesn’t matter if we’re super tired, have a cold, have PMS, or anything else, we make it happen. I’m very proud to say that my daughter initiated this practice, and it has been going strong for several months. She adamantly tells her friends and roommates…
12/29/2010 Now that my girls are out of the house, I worry just as much as ever, but now I have new things to freak out about because I’m not with them every day. I’ve always worried about their personal safety, but now it’s pathological. Whom do they associate with? Do they walk by themselves in the dark? Should I buy them pepper spray? Do they have a stalker? Should I buy them a taser? Should I make them come home?…
12/29/2010 A few words about “empty nest syndrome.” Both my girls have now moved out and it’s definitely bittersweet. According to the myriad of articles on the Internet like these http://www.life123.com/relationships/marriage/empty-nest/index.shtml, this is the time of my life when I’m supposed to get in touch with my special interests, hobbies, and totally begin a new chapter. But when you’ve been a single parent for nearly 20 years, this just isn’t going to happen overnight. My younger daughter moved out 17 days…
12/26/2010 I did have one incident in the past month with my younger daughter since the shoplifting thing, but thankfully, it really wasn’t her doing. Her friend was driving on the freeway at a high speed and was stopped and investigated. My daughter and two teenage boys were in the car and everyone got checked out. The driver was found to have been drinking, speeding, and had several pot pipes in the car. She ultimately had her car impounded. The…
11/23/2010 This is from an email my brother forwarded to me in 2006. I don’t know who the author is, but it’s been quoted a million times, and I like it. Is there a magic cutoff period when offspring become accountable for their own actions? Is there a wonderful moment when parents can become detached spectators in the lives of their children and shrug, “It’s their life,” and feel nothing? When I was in my twenties, I stood in a…
11/23/2010 Trust me, there were plenty of times I considered “getting rid” of my daughter and the strife she was causing by sending her away to some faraway boot camp for troubled teens. In my fantasies and from cursory glances at Internet sites, these places seemed like the answer. Even thought financially they were way out of my reach, I’d find a way to pay for it. They’d find out exactly what the problem was, fix her, do magical things…
11/23/2010 Here’s a little known fact in my world: I let my 16-year-old leave school after her sophomore year and take the GED exam. She had always had issues at school getting along with her peers and enjoying being a teenager. It just wasn’t happening. She felt a different kind of pressure than wanting to be popular or get good grades. She couldn’t relate to kids her own age, and she made problems and misery for herself for as long…
Sunday, November 21, 2010 No sleep came for me, and I was up early, feeling sick and dizzy. My thoughts are all over the place at the moment. Everything from, “How/where/when did I screw up this motherhood thing, God?” to “What a loser my daughter is, Goddamnit!” We have breakfast every Sunday together, have been for a while, and I wasn’t going to let her out of it today. The ride was a nightmare. Maybe I could’ve said things differently,…