May 30, 2023

Wow, time goes fast and things change on a dime (but cost a LOT of dollars!). My dear daughter is halfway to 30 years old, alive and healthy, and somewhat stable. She doesn’t talk to me much, but there’s been no falling out or anything earth-shattering (that I’m aware of). That’s not to say she hasn’t had her issues and pissed me off here and there.

Job: She got a job 7 months ago at a software company. She’s an office manager (promoted to full-time after being a temp) and they love and support her there. I’ve been there several times and have met her coworkers, her boss and the CEO, who all confirm how much they enjoy having her there. She’s managed to stand up for herself and ask for more money than they were originally going to pay her.

Apartment: She’s at the end of her year lease, which I paid in its entirety as reward for her staying in school. As far as I know, she is still taking classes and passing them. I haven’t asked for proof, though I should. She’s taking business classes, and going for an AA in business. It’s hard for her, I know, but she’s plugging along.

Boyfriend: I found out by phone records and detective work that she was hanging out with the boyfriend she ran from a year ago—the one who was responsible for her using drugs, enough to lose the great opportunity for a career move and have her move into a hotel and drive a rental car for months. Worse yet, he had the audacity to ask me to meet with him in person so he could ask for her hand in marriage. He said he bought a ring and she’s the love of his life, and that he wants to have a family with her. I was stunned and didn’t know what to say. I asked a lot of questions—like why? what the hell? why her? how can you be good for each other? aren’t you aware that she doesn’t want children? etc. He insisted it was going to happen with or without my blessing. I didn’t give it. A few days later, it all blew up and she broke up with him. I talked to her about it for an hour (this was a few weeks ago), and I sure hope it stuck.

Mothers Day: One sentence—SHE BLEW ME OFF. We were supposed to have dinner together. Instead, I got a lame text the next day telling me sorry, but she slept all day. I didn’t respond. What was I supposed to say?

Sister: She’s been regularly talking to her sister, and they seem to be doing well with their relationship. I would love nothing better than for them to be friends, or at least on good terms, so they can rely on each other. This leads me to . . .

New opportunity: Her sister is a property manager in a big West Coast city in another state, and the company was in need of another PM for another apartment building. So, she spoke with the boss and recommended her little sister for the job. Little sister interviewed with the team and last week was offered the job. She went to that city to see the apartment and make a decision, and stayed with her sister. She got back yesterday morning, and neither daughter has told me a thing. I would love for her to go there and take the job. Not only would it be a good thing for her independence, but it would provide a free apartment and she’d still be able to work and go to school.

Medication: She wants to change her medical person now because of scheduling issues. This NP has been caring for her for several years and has helped her through tough times. I can’t stop her from making a change, but I wish she wouldn’t. I’ve tried to discourage her, to see what a blessing it’s been, but I don’t know what she’s decided. And I can’t ask the NP directly.

Those are the things that have happened recently. How do I feel? I feel like I want a life and I want her to have one too. I don’t want another emergency situation to derail my life and cost me thousands. I don’t mind helping out, but I don’t want to completely support an able-bodied adult anymore because she keeps making poor choices. She hasn’t asked for anything in months; however, I’ve still paid her rent on time. I hate where she lives, but she chose it—and I simply cannot have her live with me. I couldn’t be privy to her lifestyle for a day, let alone an indefinite amount of time, without going mad.

I’m leaving for the summer so I won’t see her at all. Not that I do. I miss her every day and love her beyond measure, but maybe it’s time for her to make a big move this summer and start a new season, or phase, of her life.