5/23/2018 I have to use fake names here so it doesn’t sound like I’m telling a story to 2nd graders. Big sister Mary recently visited little sister Alice for a few days in her new city. I was aware it was happening, naturally from Mary. I was so nervous because I don’t want Mary to be hurt or disappointed, which has happened over and over again when she’s tried to reach out and have a “normal” sister relationship. I warned her to take care of herself and not be surprised if it’s not everything she dreamed of. It has nothing to do with love; Alice just has a lot of limitations and doesn’t possess the same tools of kindness, compassion, and care (unless it’s directed toward a cat). I didn’t mean to be so negative, but I’m very protective of Mary and don’t want any trouble.

It’s important to also say that I told Mary not to tell me a lot of negative things and that I didn’t want to know too much. I can’t handle any more bad stuff. I’ve been feeling very fragile lately for a million reasons, and I already can’t sleep.

So this is how their visit started off. Mary let Alice know multiple times in advance what her travel plans were, including flight information. This way Alice would be waiting for her at the airport when she arrived. Well, guess what? I got a text from Mary that Alice hadn’t even left her house yet, so Mary ended up waiting about an hour. Disappointment number one.

Finally Alice arrived and shuttled Mary to her apartment. The next text I got was to tell me that the place was so gross that Mary couldn’t stay there, no way. Not only that, Alice’s ex-boyfriend (a few boyfriends ago, one I used to like) was there too and they were fighting. Disappointments two and three.

I felt so sorry for Mary that this wasn’t what she was anticipating, that I send her money for an Airbnb. I urged her to talk about why she couldn’t stay at Alice’s apartment, hoping that a big sister’s wisdom about respecting your environment would sink in, but I doubt she said anything.

Communication was a little cut off after that, and the next thing I hear is that the two sisters had a day planned together, where Alice didn’t have to work and they could just have some fun, and they’d both be at the Airbnb that night. The text from Mary was to tell me that Alice had yet to call Mary to make their plan (it was already 10:30 a.m.). Mary was again disappointed and frustrated, and thinking she might just look up one of her friends in that city and forget about her sister. Disappointment number four.

That’s when the trail of disappointments, known to me, trailed off. Thankfully. 

I didn’t hear anything for another hour, when this time Alice texted to ask if she could borrow some money to enjoy her day with Mary. I’m a sucker and PayPal’d $40. Not too much, but enough for coffee and lunch. Alice told me she was taking her sister on a hike and to a Japanese garden. That was lovely news and I was floored. I had only heard negative things, but here was a beautiful plan.

I didn’t hear one more thing until Mary was back in the airport. I didn’t get her text until she was already in-flight, so there were no further details, complaints, or negative reports. To this day, I’ve heard nothing further from Mary, and I’ve asked no questions.

The next thing I knew, Alice sent me beautiful pictures and videos of their visit. This was a total 180 from what I thought was happening. I choose to live in the fantasy world of thinking it went well and they had a great time and are looking forward to doing it again. The alternative is bleak—that Mary simply respected my wishes and didn’t tell me anything else because it was all negative.

Listen to this—Alice has already paid back the $40, but Mary didn’t pay back one dime from the Airbnb. Different tools, I guess!