3/8/2016 So yesterday, I wrote an update on my daughter to remind myself of how far she’s come. And it’s true, she has, and I’m very proud of her in general. But today, I’m really frustrated with her for being so evasive–for days. She communicates a little—in snippets—and leaves me hanging. I don’t get it. She just had an MRI (if she showed up to her appointment) and promised to keep me informed. I got next to nothing even though I’m paying for everything and will be her caretaker should she need knee surgery.
I guess I’m confused, because last week, in a moment of sentimentalism or pensiveness or perhaps guilt, she wrote this: “I love you so much. When my record is fixed I’m going to get a job with [my boyfriend]. It’s good pay and I can start saving and doing nice things for you. Also, how are you? I’d like to talk to you because I don’t take the time to see how you are or what’s new. I just complain and whine. I want to make sure you’re doing alright. I also think I need to figure out how to open my mind.”
I responded: “I love you and am very proud of you. I’m doing fine and would love to talk/listen with you more. If I can help you with figuring stuff out, I’m here.”
I try to be neutral and supportive, but not invasive. We texted plenty after that, and even conspired together to rid her of her terrible roommates (in this case, I agree it’s a bad match and want them out too) without being mean. We were on the same page, plotting and planning, and even laughing about it.
Then she told me she and her boyfriend broke up again, and the texts tapered to one word responses, hours or days in between. Again, like it happens, something is going on and she’s shut me out. If I pry [meaning: ask one too many questions], I’m asked to stop or she just stops talking. I leave it alone—I’d rather have periods of silence than lose her altogether, but it’s hard on me. I don’t mean to sound like a narcissist, but I really feel like I’ve been through a lot with her. I’ve given support and love through the murkiest times, spent thousands of dollars on her for things that didn’t benefit me in any way, and put my life on hold for her more than I want to admit. In my mind, I deserve better than surliness, evasiveness, and alienation. I deserve conversations, explanations, and respect.
At least I think so.
It’s pretty clear that people who have her type of personality and issues don’t think of anyone but themselves. They live in their own heads, their own worlds. Sadly, so sadly, I believe she has borderline personality disorder. According to the Mayo Clinic, I think she generally fits the description. More sadly, she’s not interested in seeking psychological help, doesn’t reach out very much, and rejects help from others.
Symptoms: emotional instability, feelings of worthlessness, insecurity, impulsivity, and impaired social relationships
Behavioral: antisocial behavior, compulsive behavior, hostility, impulsivity, irritability, risky behavior, self-destructive behavior, self-harm, social isolation, or lack of restraint
Mood: anger, anxiety, general discontent, guilt, loneliness, mood swings, or sadness
Psychological: depression, distorted self-image, grandiosity, or narcissism
Also common: thoughts of suicide