12/21/2012 After writing that last post and knowing I need to know what I don’t want to know, I searched for arrest records for my throwing-away-her-life daughter. I found her mugshot first.

Since this is really new business for me, I first examined the picture to see if she looked remorseful. To my relief, she didn’t look rebellious, she looked really upset, even a little scared. I though she actually looked beautiful—too beautiful to be on a mugshot page with prostitutes and drug addicts and gang bangers. Then I remembered, those are now her people. Not her nice, educated, loving family.

On December 9, 2012, she was stopped for something (not sure if it was a broken taillight or what), but they charged her for driving on a revoked license and failure to appear in court. But on December 17, 2012, she was charged with criminal possession of drugs. I assume it’s weed and not heroin or other harder drugs. I don’t approve of weed, but in the larger scheme of things, I’d be relieved if that’s what it was. I don’t know if they were two separate incidents or one incident, two filings. She’s an adult, so unless she tells me, I’ll never know. And nothing that comes out of her mouth is the truth.

I had no idea she let her life get so out of control. Why has she shut me out? If she would only listen to me, I could help her and her life would be wonderful. Eh—what am I talking about? Even when she “lets” me give her advice or offer her some help, it’s just ear service. She has no intention of changing.

Trust me, seeing your beautiful daughter’s mugshot where the world can see it, including your boss and the people who want to screw with you, is the ultimate heartbreak. It’s also humiliating, frightening, demoralizing—and highlights your failure as a parent.