10/17/2011 I truly don’t know what to do about this current situation. If you refer back to my post about the lies my daughter has told me thus far, I wrote that post while in a tongue-in-cheek mood, as if I was only “looking back” on bad times and that they were over. Well, I just bit my tongue and it hurts.

There was a big juicy lie on that list—the one that says she doesn’t have a tattoo; after all, she said, she’s not 18 yet and it was against the law unless she had parental consent (which I would NEVER give). I asked and asked and asked and she denied and denied and denied. Then this girl, who used to run around in her underwear because it’s always been just us girls, was suddenly locking her door when changing or showering. New behavior. While most teenagers are private about these things—and I totally respect privacy—she has always been practically a nudist.

Well, last night, as I do most nights, I checked on her before I went to bed. Every night, I turn off lights, phones, TVs, and so on, and make sure she’s okay. I’ve been doing the same thing since she was born. I used to check that she was breathing and I would whisper, “I love you, OK?” in her ear while she slept, hoping it would provoke beautiful dreams.

Last night was warm and she was lying on top of her blanket, on her back. Her shirt was up to her ribs, and I was shocked to see a tattoo that started at the elastic of her panties and scrolled down from there. This sprawled out position also revealed a belly button piercing.

The slew of adjectives, expletives, and panicked directives spewed from my mouth. She was dead-asleep, needing to get her eight hours before her 4:45 am shift at work, and I didn’t wake her up. Better not to, because I need to precisely and flawlessly measure out my words, thoughts, feelings, and actions before I can even look at her.

I’m tremendously disappointed, disgusted, appalled, afraid, confused.

Disappointed because she has the gall to lie so BIG to me, to fuck with my trust, and to thumb her nose at the one person who would walk through fire for her (and pretty much has).

Disgusted because I think people who ink themselves in this way are gross and want to present a fringe-level, dangerous persona to the world, as if they think the world they live in is a joke. It looks dirty, low-class, and has long-term ramifications. My daughter borders on brilliant, yet who the hell will take her seriously now? She’ll regret this, and the undoing will be expensive and painful and HER PROBLEM.

Appalled that some tattoo shop (that my kid would argue is reputable and everyone there is an “artist”) broke the law and tatted, poked, and pierced my underage daughter, though I would buy it if they said she had a fake ID. She hangs out at these gross dens of the underbelly, often describing the young tattooist as “hot.” Then when she describes them to me, I want to vomit in my mouth. Something about gauges and objects jammed through their noses, lips, and other unnatural places.

Afraid because I don’t know where, when, or how this sneaky shit started or when/if it’s going to end. I can’t stand this “slice of life” and I don’t want it around me. I naturally want her away from it, but she is so attracted to the people in this subculture and I’m not the shiny object that can take her attention away. She’s months away from being a legal adult, when she can do what she wants. I’m afraid of her choices and where they will lead her. It’s not just tattoos and piercings, it’s drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, crime, violence—this is my daughter’s fascination. I know there are people with tattoos who are perfectly nice, but those aren’t the people my daughter gravitates toward.

Confused because I don’t know the right thing to do. Do I HAVE to put up with this because she’s 17? I have the right to run my household any way I see fit—and I see it conservative, quiet, safe, law-abiding, and free of riffraff. My daughter has become riffraff in my eyes. I have always told her that if she got a tattoo, she wouldn’t be allowed to live with me. I don’t want it in my house and I don’t have to have it in my house. But I truly thought that she’s follow the law and wait until she was 18, then I could tell her that, as an adult, you can move out. On the flip side, I’ve also given her the message that she belongs with me, saving money, going to college, supporting her car—but now what do I do? She’s still 17. Do I throw her out? Do I wait until she’s 18 and show her the door?

She has defied me, lied to me, and now I need someone to guide me.

7/14/2021: Ten years have passed since I wrote that passionate, emotional post. I’ve definitely grown personally and have been able to accept, if not embrace, the mainstreaming of tattoos. In fact, I think it’s less common to see a young person with un-tattooed skin now. I still don’t like them, but I don’t really think about it much (but I do still cringe at neck and face tattoos. Hey, I’m 57—it’s not my generation!). My now 27-year-old daughter has many more tattoos in many more places, and she looks beautiful to me.