Original Publish Date: August 24, 2011
I admit it, I’ve been duped a thousand times by my daughter, and despite knowing it, I continue to fall for her lies. I think it’s wishful thinking that “this time,” she is finally being straightforward and I have nothing to worry about. I catch her in lies all the time, but 50% of the time I can’t really prove anything and 50% of the time I punish her in some way but it doesn’t change her behavior. She’s either a pathological liar or a master manipulator. Sometimes I think I’m just hanging in there until she’s 18 and turning her loose into the world—and setting myself free. I love her endlessly, but she’s so hard to live with.
Here are her biggest, or should I say, most common—enjoy!
- I don’t smoke weed/do drugs anymore. I’m done with all that.
- Their parents are/were/will be home.
- I don’t know his/her last name.
- I don’t have their number.
- I’ll get you the number and address as soon as I get there.
- I wouldn’t hang out with them if they did drugs or underage drinking.
- I’m just hanging out watching movies and eating pizza.
- I called my nana and she didn’t answer.
- I’m saving my money and not spending it on stupid things.
- I cleaned my car and it’s spotless [told over the phone].
- I cleaned my room and it’s spotless [told over the phone].
- I don’t have a tattoo (this one is still up for debate—I can’t prove or disprove it).
- He’s not too old for me.
- We’re just friends; I can have an older guy friend, can’t I?
- I would never let him try anything with me.
- I’m going to work out today.
- I’ll tell you what happened—tomorrow.
- I tell you everything, Mom.
- Sorry, I didn’t hear the phone ring.
- My phone died.
- I told you I was sleeping over.
- I stayed late at work.
- I slept for 15 hours because I’ve just been working so hard.
- My eyes are red because of my allergies.
- I gave away all my paraphernalia.
- That’s not mine.
- I was just sitting in my car waiting for them to get their drinks and come out. I didn’t know they were going to rip off that store.
- I’ll be at X’s house the whole time.
- I know I said we’d be at X’s house the whole time, but we only went out for a few minutes to say hello to some other friends.
- They have their own apartment, but they’re really responsible and mature and they don’t drink or use drugs.
- I hate alcohol; it makes me sick.
- I’m so glad I didn’t have to take a drug test for the shoplifting charge—that’s so bogus. Whatever, I’d come up clean anyway.
- I’m the only one with a car.
- I’m not hanging out with those people anymore; they just used me for my car.
- I’m on my way home right now [music and voices in the background].
- I haven’t been to a rave since you forbid me.