Orignial publish date: November 23, 2010
Trust me, there were plenty of times I considered “getting rid” of my daughter and the strife she was causing by sending her away to some faraway boot camp for troubled teens. In my fantasies and from cursory glances at Internet sites, these places seemed like the answer. Even thought financially they were way out of my reach, I’d find a way to pay for it. They’d find out exactly what the problem was, fix her, do magical things to make her behave, and send her back a changed young woman. She’d come back into the fold and become a productive member of the family, a star student, and a model citizen. I called a boarding school or two and talked to their headmasters, and was told that I could expect a newer, happier, healthier version of my child in just a semester or two. The way I heard it, they’d love on her like she was their own, and when we were reunited, it would be like the mothers and daughters you see in the commercials.
Then I came across a book that snapped me out of that fantasy. At first, it wasn’t the subject matter or the title that caught my attention, it was the author’s name: Maia Szalavitz. I recognized that name from grade school back in the 70s, in the teensy town where I grew up. We were childhood schoolmates and here she was, seemingly talking directly to me about my kid, my thoughts, and my misconceptions. It was destiny that I read her expose, Help at Any Cost: How the Troubled-Teen Industry Cons Parents and Hurts Kids.
I was shocked out of my ignorance after reading about the world of harsh tactics, prison-like conditions, and unregulated residential treatment facilities I was actually thinking of exposing my daughter, my flesh and blood, my baby to. Instead of helping her become a better human being, she very likely could’ve been abused, neglected, psychologically damaged, and had her tendencies amplified.
It’s entirely possible that there are good programs available for troubled teens, and some have come out better for their experience. But, as a parent, it is wise to do your homework, read all the books and literature, visit facilities before committing to one, and talk to other parents whenever possible. It’s not just anybody; it’s your child.